Lord, show me Your will
Two nights ago I had a hard time getting to sleep. It was nearly two AM when I drifted off. I realized the kids were starting school in a little less than 36 hours and, just like the year before, I suddenly worried that I'd get nothing done to show for the year. It's one thing to get nothing done over the summer. This is a time of my life that my children need me. I've come to understand that things don't work well if I spend any amount of time on my computer while my children are present, and so while I can work on house projects or keep the house tidy, writing is not high on the list for three months of the year. But starting today, three of the four are gone, and in one week, all four will be gone for eight and a half hours each day. Besides that, bedtime gets moved up, which means I have at least two more hours that I didn't have during the summer. Half of that time I will be working, but that still adds up to five hours a day. And each year when I realize that I'm frantic those hours could be wasted. Time. Is. Precious. Yesterday I was the first one in the house to get up, approximately five hours after I had finally fallen asleep, to understand the irony of staying up half the night worrying about getting things done. Lack of sleep does not lead to high motivation. Last year when I couldn't sleep I made a list several pages long. It contained menus, blog topics, writing assignments, cleaning projects. This year the list is mental and it contains only three items, each a major undertaking in itself. But the major difference is that this year I'm giving the list to God. See, as a mother, I expect my children to do chores almost every day. Sometimes I say, "Let's clean the house, guys. Tell me what you want to do." Other times I have specific things I need done and I assign chores based on my children's abilities. Only God knows what the year will bring. Assuming I do end up with extra time, I'm not sure my list and His are the same. I'm giving the list to Him for Him to either approve or shake His head and say, "I need you to do this instead." James 4:13-15 says, "Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.' Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.'" Here we go. Your will be done.